I put Eddy to bed for the third time for his nap.  It was hot and sunny.  I fought discouragement.  My productivity this morning seemed less than satisfactory.  My energy was waning.  I wanted motivation.  I felt like sleeping.  The trees and grass and crickets beckoned me outside and I followed.  I wandered and stomped and sighed.  I searched for passion in my soul again.  I found apathy, weariness, confusion, defeat, then answers.

Of course I know where to find life!  Of course I know all is not lost!  The giver of life calls to the weary, the money-less, the brokenhearted to come and drink from the spring.  I knew to drink from the spring would bring life, but I still felt parched...and in my thirst could not feel the truth I once knew.  So back from my memory I drew.

My Bible lay back in the house.  I hadn't the mind to go the long distance back.  I forced into memory a chapter from my youth -- a wonderful chapter, with many memories attached to it, and many lessons.  Perhaps if I could get through it I would find the strength I needed.

The first few verses slid off my tongue easily, but I stumbled through the next few.  Running back and forth over the following to sort out which came first, I pondered the meaning in the words.  "The law of the spirit of life hath made me free from the law of sin and death..." hmmm... free.  Free to live true life...this life I've experienced a taste of and long for more.  "That the righteousness of the law would be fulfilled in us..." God really does think me special to place such an important purpose on my life.  "but ye are not in the flesh but in the spirit..." "he that raised up Jesus from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his spirit that dwelleth in you..." The spirit is in me.  He is in me.  He guides me.  "we are the children of God, whereby we cry, 'Abba, Father..." Again, how special, how purposeful, how releaving of fear.  "the whole creation groans and travails in pain together..." "all things work together for good, to them that love God..." "for I reckon that the trials of this present age are not worthy to be compared to the glory which shall be revealed in us" Here there is no denying the trouble, no denying the chaotic mess of pain...but again purpose...plan.  "who shall lay anything to the charge of the elect..." God is my judge.  "we are killed all the day long..." "for I am persuaded that neither death nor life nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Mmmmm...the perfect peace in the knowledge of God's unending love...so much depth and importance to unravel...

I stood in that moment less like a failed mother and woman, and more like a born princess.  Not to say I was any more graceful or pretty or rich, but I had a silent power behind me and I knew it.  I had a royal purpose, a noble purpose...to love as Christ loves...to listen to the Spirit.  I was important to the king, and my attitude impacted those around me.  I knew my place in the world.  I could give and serve without fear.

I walked back.  I was met with our secretary out in the grass, holding Eddy and explaining how he said he wouldn't take his nap.  I sighed and took another path than before.  I faced it, took charge, and showed compassion.

Never underestimate the power of truth learned and lived and remembered.