Repentance is to realize that you put something before God, that you've betrayed your king, the one person who gives you your purpose and fulfillment.  It is to finally open your eyes and see the filth, to cry out in anguish, and beg him to cast it away from you, far away.  You want to be clean.

It is to know that he's already paid for your sin and cast them away; you've already been made clean, and you are still.  It is to know that he's given you a new heart, the essence of the 'you' he created you to be, of all your true potential, of everything that would be impossible for you without Christ.

It is to stand with newfound determination and direction and hope.  It is to renew your alliance to your king.  It is to love and follow him once again, yes, and all the more.

The Van Dyke sibling camping trip ended Tuesday night in a delightfully different dinner at Woolgrowers, a French Basque restaurant that serves a family style six-course meal with huge allotments of meat and where delicious red wine comes standard.  All the siblings, in-laws, and little cousins sat around a room-length table, under a tall, warehouse style ceiling, and surrounded by old fashioned French maps, paintings, and advertisements.  I never imagined a French restaurant to be this down-to-earth.  All my expectations of tiny artistic portions of rare food are obliterated.  We feasted on as much soup, potato salad, beans, salad, stew, french fries, meats of all shapes and flavors, fresh fruit and ice cream we could hold, passed around and shared. No wonder this restaurant has sustained 80 years of changing economy.  It's fun and timeless.

After dinner, we all posed in front of a wall in the parking lot to get some group pictures, and group videos.  (check out Lukas' facebook video) Then hugs followed everyone to their cars and we went our separate ways.  Eddy kept his tradition of waving every car off until, in the last car out, we left for Sam's house once again.

Here we are at home.  It feels like so long since I've been here.  I missed my Danny terribly, and so did Eddy.  Eddy scarcely spoke a word Wednesday that didn't involve seeing Daddy =)  How special it was to walk out of the airport and see Danny's face once again.   Eddy always gets loud when he's excited, so every head on the sidewalk turned when Eddy and Daddy were reunited.

The Van Dyke sibling camping trip ended in a delightfully different dinner at a French Basque restaurant, from which everyone got home late and tired.  Wednesday was spent sleeping in, packing, visiting the Woodfields again, then driving the beautiful road straight westward to the San Francisco International Airport, Nicki at the wheel.  Over each mountain pass the air became 10 degrees cooler and more humid, starting with an arid 90 degrees and ending with a balmy 60 at the bay.  Along the way we saw many orchards, then deserts, then dry mountain peaks, each one capped with scores of very old windmill generators.  Soon there was a train railing along by us with commuters to the city, then the roads became larger and busier until we found ourselves skimming just over the water on a six-lane low bridge.  The bridge was several miles long and rose gradually until we were flying way over the water, with a grand view of Oakland and the cloud that covered up San Fran. On to the airport.

Goodbyes and hugs and into the most beautifully constructed airport I'd ever seen.  Towering high ceilings hosted 3-story windows of the plane yard, giant tile murals, and framed paintings.  3rd floor balconies with seating by the windows also overlooked all the gates, which were nestled in below, on the 2nd floor.

Both in good spirits after a relaxing car ride and good lunch, Eddy and I were easily able to cope with the airport pressures, thanks to the help of the amazingly accommodating airport staff (waiving the baggage fee to check our bags, carrying our carseat on the plane for us, and other kind gestures) With snacks and the ability to give Eddy freedom because of the placement of the gate, both our moods stayed elevated all the way on board.  But nothing kept us from missing "daddy".

There were several upsets on the plane as the night grew later and Eddy grew ornery, but no earaches, and no more than I could handle with grace without dampening my evening in the least.  Then we descended.   Then we landed.  Then we taxied.  Then we parked.  Then everyone stood.  Then the doors opened.  Then we packed our bags and car seat.  Then we filed out.  And we were free!  We were IN Minnesota, our hearts racing to see the one we loved the most.  Through the maze, down to the baggage claim, we searched all over the room...but no Danny.  Where could he be?

A quick phone call and some confused conversation and the mystery was revealed: "He's outside in the car!  Let's go."  Again the momentum rose as we raced down the sidewalk lined 2 and 3 deep with cars loading and unloading until, second row out, behind a group of passengers, we spotted the BioLawn symbol!   "Daddy!"  Eddy jumped in the front seat to see his Daddy while I ran back to get the bags.  With the bags and stroller loaded and Eddy strapped in, I finally got that hug and kiss I was waiting for.  We were finally here again...finally home.

We had another sibling camping trip.  We love our tradition.  Always some place new, always different activities, but always sibls, always tents and pickup trucks and campfires, and always fun.  The last trip was 1.5 years ago (January 2009) and the oldest cousin, Eddy, was the age that the next-in-line, Caleb is now!  Everyone kept getting confused over this fact ("Caleb MUST have gone with us...there was a baby there!")  It's an easy mistake.  Eddy is so grown up now.  He converses casually with the adults and occasionally even contributes helpful information (though it's rarely noticed on account of his kid voice).  He has his many moments of "accidents" and tempter tantrums, but he's certainly not the wobbly wide-eyed munchkin Caleb is today.  Just the memory of those days makes me smile.  And to think, next camping trip Caleb will be the new toddler-mania, and Whit will take over for Caleb's mobile baby stage =)

Every year our lives are so different, too.  Sam & Nicki are new parents, Lukas is married to Suzy, and many other life altering changes have occurred for each of us.  Still, they were good old times getting together like that.  My sister Jule is amazing at meal planning, and with everyone's cooperation we were able to eat high class-yet-campy food for every meal, even with the budgets of 20-somethings.  We also kayaked on the small river by the campsite, went blackberry and cat park adventuring, went for ice cream, stayed up late playing games, sacked out in the sun to nap and read, sang and played guitar, and soaked in the togetherness of these siblings whom we seem to never get to see.  I was lovin' the California-ness, too...oh, and the extra babysitters!

Tomorrow Eddy and I go home.  It's been a long trip and can't wait to see my Danny boy!  But I'm so glad to  renew my relationships with siblings.

It's interesting how our happenstance affects our thoughts on God and truth.  This last week I've had conversations with siblings about the role of family and about parenting, with strangers at church about salvation, with Buddhists on a train about God, with Mormon's at their church about the Bible, and with many others about various topics.  My mind has be flooded with deep, allbeit frustrating, thoughts and queries.

In fact, all these thoughts and conversations have been so exhausting, I will not think about them anymore, but will simply give you a snapshot from yesterday:

Sam and I loitered on the sidewalk with our respective sons in their respective strollers.  We examined each stroller and discussed the vast differences between them.  Whit was in his carseat, nestled into the backward-facing, eight-wheeled folding stroller, with cargo space, plastic wheels, and many adjustment and swivel options -- it was a steal from Craigslist, and it was high class.  Eddy was in a borrowed stroller that a New Zealander had given Sam & Nicki.  It actually didn't look like a stroller at all, but more like a two-wheeled dolly for moving boxes, only with a seat and handlebars, canopy, and straps on the back for converting to a backpack!

Finally Nicki poked out of the door. "The cake will be done cooking in 2 minutes."  It was hard, but we managed to wait, then commenced down the sidewalk.

Around the corner we strolled, and on through my brother's neighborhood, of small old houses and low-income apartments.  I breathed in the dry cooling air of west central California's July.  Everything struck me as old here, compared to Wisconsin.  Maybe it's because the trees have longer growing seasons. Maybe it's because the sun beats down so harshly, softening colors.  Maybe it's because items last longer with the absence of corrosive rust.  Or, maybe it's simply my old childhood memories of the state, with its hibiscus hedges covered in lavish silky blossoms, it's giant Eucalyptus trees, it's waving Queen Palms against the white sky, the dusty earth, and the friendly Hispanic culture I've grown to miss.

As sunset approached, Sam pointed out friends' houses, street changes, and houses for sale.  Whit looked up at his daddy with interest one moment, and was asleep the next.  Eddy loves dolly rides, so this stroller was his favorite.  He tested the limits of every novelty, and tested our patience.  But the many many kids playing and biking around us kept him cheerful.  I conversed with my brother while basking in the beauties we went through, and Nicki walked, mostly quiet and happy...happy for the company...happy for the weather...happy to be a mom.

I got to meet new baby Whitaker!  Hooray!  I love the littleness and tininess, the sleepiness and wrinkliness.  He has a little baby cry, and eyes that are not even used to the light yet!  Life is so hard to figure out for a newborn.  I love being the first sibling to meet him, and getting to help his mommy (Eddy's Aunty Nicki) out in this unique time.  Neighbors stop by all the time to see the baby and ask how everything went.  What a privilege to visit right after the baby comes home from the hospital.  There's nothing as special.

Come and meet the new tiny man who just discovered there's a larger world out there: that of mommy's and daddy's house.  Congratulations brother Sam!  Congratulations Nicki!  Your family loves you, and loves the new little baby nephew, cousin, and grandson.  So much potential all wrapped up in one little guy.

I sit on the couch of my sister,
My sister in California.
My sister a mother,
My sister at home,
My sister asleep on her bed.

I type on my sister's computer.
A computer well used and cared for.
A computer for family,
A computer for shows,
A computer for work and for play.

I ponder the ways of my sister.
The ways of creation and practice.
The way that she mothers,
The way she corrects,
The way that she teaches and learns.

I wait for the baby of sister.
The baby all sleepy and tired.
The baby to wake,
The baby to cry,
The baby to play with his mommy.

I love to spend time with my sister.
Time out and time in and with kids.
To introduce cousins,
To go for a walk,
To parent and sister and be.

Today is the day...it's all downhill from here!  We woke up at 'Gramma's' house in Eau Claire, we finished packing the items that we didn't have in Afton.  A couple errands and we're set for the month.

Forrest will come in today and we'll go to dinner with him and Cathy...that's vacationing!
Tomorrow will be filled with Hobbs family fun activities...that's vacationing!
Sunday, July 4th will come, and with it will be happy festive friends at church...vacationing!
Straight from church to Dad's house for a Van Dyke reunion!  Vacation time!
A ride with Aunt Bonnie to the airport and Eddy's loooooooonnnnnngggg awaited airport and airplane time will commence...our vacation!
A packed week in Los Angeles with the siblings...hooray for vacationing!
A train ride with Eddy! Vacationing!
A whole week with brother, silly, and a brand new baby!  What a great vacation!
Siblings all camping together...vacationing!
Reuniting with hubby to see what life brings us next...

vacationing =) here we come.