The last two days have been rather difficult for me. I originally started this blog to see the positive aspects of my life, but I couldn't bring myself to say happy things on a day when I felt so down and incapable that I spread despair to those around me. The blog would've become an alternate reality for me, and entirely lose it's use. So, I resolved to wait until something lifted me from the pit.

That time has come.

Friday was a bit of a disappointment, which led me to think of several other disappointments, difficulties, and unknowns on my plate. That is how Saturday began. My mood deteriorated quickly. My family started to notice. Soon unattained goals, frustrated expectations, fears, and unsatisfied longings were whirling around in my mind. Productivity stopped. My family suffered. I tried desperately to pick myself up, but felt no strength. By Sunday all nerves in the house were raw and untended. A good reminder of God and fellowship at church, but all too much activity for a heart that needed time to resolve so many problems. Conflict was inevitable. Everything inside vied for attention, and all came out together in an unintelligible mass of confusion and heartache (it wasn't a good night). FINALLY, I had enough, I sought solitude and threw myself down in my black hopelessness...

In a tiny voice I cried for help. A tiny help came. I gained courage to speak, and found one word: "prayer". I reflected on this gift, then began all my sorrows and questions and regrets to pour out in what appeared an empty room. I was embraced. I was spoken softly to. I was heard. I was known. I had nothing to prove and nothing to lose, so my fear just scampered away. In short, I had an overdue heart-to-heart with God. He reminded me He is the sensitive person I need when I'm sad. He will love me no matter how insufficient I feel, no matter how much I fail. In a life where I feel like I'm always in a precarious job interview, He will never deem me unworthy for my job. He knows the worst of me, more than I do; He really will work out everything for my good; and He really will finish the work in me that He's started.

I don't need to haul heavy burdens of Try everywhere I go. I need only to listen to His soft voice, His gentle requests, and take another step. He will make sure I have what I need after that. Now just one step more. He won't leave me alone. Feeling better already, one step again. He is healing me even now.