I met with my friend Connie yesterday.  Every couple weeks my two former Bible study leaders, Connie & Bonnie, and I go walking together and talk about life.  This week Bonnie couldn't make it and Connie didn't feel like walking, so the two of us just sat on her beautiful porch and conversed.

Connie is about twice my age, has grown children and grandchildren, is a skilled flower gardener, and loves birds. (she's even gotten hummingbirds to sit on her finger!)  And the mystery of her godly legacy and journey continues to unfold every time we meet.  (For example, this week I learned she used to be part of a clown ministry and still keeps her homemade 5-foot long Q-tip in her basement for sentimental reasons!)  I feel privileged to spend time with her.  Though I am blessed to have very insightful and gracious parents and in-laws, there's something special about a relationship unbent by biases or relational complications, an outsider who can see clearly in.

We talked of everything from birdhouses to weddings to sickness to God's ultimate plan for the world, and how faith fits into to it all.  We sat there for three hours just talking.  I was astounded when I saw the time, and thankful for this woman who would take out that time for me.

I have a lot of things to think through today, and some steps to take =)

"And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." -Titus 2:4-5

I put Eddy to bed for the third time for his nap.  It was hot and sunny.  I fought discouragement.  My productivity this morning seemed less than satisfactory.  My energy was waning.  I wanted motivation.  I felt like sleeping.  The trees and grass and crickets beckoned me outside and I followed.  I wandered and stomped and sighed.  I searched for passion in my soul again.  I found apathy, weariness, confusion, defeat, then answers.

Of course I know where to find life!  Of course I know all is not lost!  The giver of life calls to the weary, the money-less, the brokenhearted to come and drink from the spring.  I knew to drink from the spring would bring life, but I still felt parched...and in my thirst could not feel the truth I once knew.  So back from my memory I drew.

My Bible lay back in the house.  I hadn't the mind to go the long distance back.  I forced into memory a chapter from my youth -- a wonderful chapter, with many memories attached to it, and many lessons.  Perhaps if I could get through it I would find the strength I needed.

The first few verses slid off my tongue easily, but I stumbled through the next few.  Running back and forth over the following to sort out which came first, I pondered the meaning in the words.  "The law of the spirit of life hath made me free from the law of sin and death..." hmmm... free.  Free to live true life...this life I've experienced a taste of and long for more.  "That the righteousness of the law would be fulfilled in us..." God really does think me special to place such an important purpose on my life.  "but ye are not in the flesh but in the spirit..." "he that raised up Jesus from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his spirit that dwelleth in you..." The spirit is in me.  He is in me.  He guides me.  "we are the children of God, whereby we cry, 'Abba, Father..." Again, how special, how purposeful, how releaving of fear.  "the whole creation groans and travails in pain together..." "all things work together for good, to them that love God..." "for I reckon that the trials of this present age are not worthy to be compared to the glory which shall be revealed in us" Here there is no denying the trouble, no denying the chaotic mess of pain...but again purpose...plan.  "who shall lay anything to the charge of the elect..." God is my judge.  "we are killed all the day long..." "for I am persuaded that neither death nor life nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Mmmmm...the perfect peace in the knowledge of God's unending love...so much depth and importance to unravel...

I stood in that moment less like a failed mother and woman, and more like a born princess.  Not to say I was any more graceful or pretty or rich, but I had a silent power behind me and I knew it.  I had a royal purpose, a noble purpose...to love as Christ loves...to listen to the Spirit.  I was important to the king, and my attitude impacted those around me.  I knew my place in the world.  I could give and serve without fear.

I walked back.  I was met with our secretary out in the grass, holding Eddy and explaining how he said he wouldn't take his nap.  I sighed and took another path than before.  I faced it, took charge, and showed compassion.

Never underestimate the power of truth learned and lived and remembered.

Eddy's phases are really funny.  Right now he's into spitting and jumping.  When we were at the Stillwater Clinic on Thursday waiting for Dan to come out, Eddy decided to "scare" the fish in the tank by spitting at them.  He was sure they "ran away" and everyone in the waiting room laughed.  And when he wants to count something, he's been insisting on jumping up and down for each number.  I think he's just so proud of learning the skill that he has to show it off.

Gramma got to experience all these Eddyisms firsthand as we visited together, and while she graciously babysat him for me.  They went on all sorts of adventures, and Eddy was very excited to get some special presents from gramma, too.  He had a great time, but got completely worn out every day, taking long naps, and sleeping in.  I think that's the way it should be.

This weekend has been very full for me, too full to fit in one post without this blog turning into a chronological journal of events (which I am determined to keep it from being).  Not all information is necessary.  So today, I will dwell on the beauty of Friday night: a crazy outlandish night for me.

The many fun, small town Afton activities had ended with Cathy and me putting Eddy to bed and wishing him well.  It was late, nearly 10 o'clock in fact, and he had a long day.  As he drifted to sleep and Cathy settled down to do some reading, my adrenaline increased as I quickly washed my hair, picked out clothes, and tried to reach Alyssa on the phone via Skype.  I hoped she wouldn't get lost trying to find our house.  In a last desperate attempt I drove up on the hill to get cell phone reception.  Yes!  She answered.  Just crossing the bridge.  Perfect.  I gave the remaining directions to our house, and rushed back home to finish packing all the "just in case" items for this unfamiliar event.  Headlights shone in the drive and I ran and jumped in the van.

"Go up here and turn right, it's shorter.  Thanks for doing this, Alyssa, especially for someone you've only met once."  "No problem!  I'm excited to let you experience this for the first time!  It'll be great."

Conversation opened and deepened as the 35 minute drive rolled on.  Why hadn't I gotten to know this girl earlier?  She was sweet, and interesting, and involved in the same endeavors I am or have been.  She was friends with my friends, goes to my church, she's my age, and loves music and language.  And yet I never had the gumption to venture a conversation for the sole reason of not having done so before.  Now was my chance.  I would make a connection, and I did.

The city here we come!  All the fear and vulnerability I had about a strange city late at night had, as I hoped, been abated by joining someone else familiar with the scene.  A parking garage, a downtown walk among clubbers, and then, there it was.... "dakota".  The cursive blue neon stood out against the shaded intersection, and the door was bustling with comers and goers.  If you, dear reader, have never experienced a "cover charge" before, I beg you to do so.  It is terribly exciting, though expensive.

Reunion with musician friends, and new meetings with a circle of friends I'd never put together in my mind.  Beverages and tables, introductions and fun stories fill the room with noise until a jovial voice transcends them all.  My friend John Raymond stands at the microphone holding a trumpet, with dress pants, untucked white dress shirt, and skinny black tie. He stands in front of four other casual young men on a mini grand piano, a bass, full drum set, and saxophone.  Twenty-five minutes to midnight the music begins.

The mood sets in as the pure sounds of emotion fill the air.  Fingers and toes of the listeners tap in response to the smooth tones.  Free jazz melts into classics of John Coltrane, Miles Davis and others, but mostly John's newly written masterpieces reign over the ensemble of perfectly cooperating instruments.  All play together in harmony until, who knows how, you hear the trumpet above the rest.  He displays a wide range of scales and jumps filled with emotion and skill as every tone quality possible to the trumpet is heard.  Fluid and free, yet somehow in sync with the rhythm, the musical story unfolds, getting more and more exciting until the trumpet solo comes to a climax and ends.  A large applause overlaps the others playing on, and John walks to the side.  Next, as before, all play together until Alyssa's boyfriend on the saxophone transcends.  More applause, and so goes the song, each dominating in a magnificent solo, and each introducing his fellow musician, piano, bass, then drums, tell each their own full story in all its spontaneity and craft. A full band finale of the original theme concludes the piece to the exhilaration of the audience.

Every so often John introduces each player in appreciation for their individual skill, and describes the titles and motives of each song, including "Dani's theme" in honor of his beautiful new wife of three weeks sitting front and center.

As I sat swallowing the awkwardness of knowing no one there very well, I looked around the room.  Couples young and old filled the booths around the perimeter, and women in full jazz attire of long wavy locks, full makeup and seductive, formfitting dresses and jewelry spotted the tables.  Men with ruffled hair and casual dress clothes joined them, as well as the many college students in jeans, supporting their graduated friends on stage.  Alcohol was abundant, but only made everyone mellower rather than rowdy.  It was just the way I pictured a jazz club to be, how I'd seen it in the movies.  A very large chalkboard covered half of one wall with huge letters advertising tonight's and upcoming guest performers, and there was a mezzanine with more tables, surrounding the whole room.

Nearly 2am now, as we each hug goodbye to those we know, and are off.  Another 35 minute drive and conversation continues to gain interest.  But we're both exhausted.  "See you tomorrow at the wedding!"  "Yep, get some sleep."

I slink into the silent house still swimming in the sounds in my head.  Too tired to be anxious about anything, I swoon to the imaginary music, fold some laundry, and collapse into bed at 3am. "I hope Eddy sleeps in."

There were a lot of contrasting opinions surrounding this book.  But I was determined to keep an open mind, while maintaining a balanced view as I read it, in order to give a quality review.

I can't wait to read the third book that just came out!

Gramma Cathy and her dog Casey drove in while we were in Afton.  A couple days later the cousins Emma and Elie got picked up.  Maya arrived in her truck on Saturday, and we drove down to Eau Claire.  A great weekend followed.  Monday Uncle Collin, Aunty Kara and baby Annie drove up.  And we picked Bappa up from the airport on Tuesday.  Today Aunty Lindsey is coming back with the girls and the days are filled with berry picking, walks in the gusts and sunshine, and picnics by the river!

There is never a lack of conversation in the house this week.  Always people cooking together, playing with each other's children, doing projects outside, meeting and greeting.  And right now the nature around us is like a scene from a painting...or a dream...and it smells delicious.

There is so much to do and so many people doing it, I feel guilty turning on my computer.  But, here I am.

Family together.  It's better than camp.  And I'll soak it all in while it lasts.

After the funeral there's a lot to think about, and my garden continues to be the thinking ground.  Most of my plants are happily getting bigger, but a new crop of weeds has blanketed the ground around them, and to those I have been attending.  Today I spent a long while picking out the tiny seedlings of purslain, grasses, trees, and, of course, Eddy's own little corn patch in between my herbs!