I just recently heard the new song from the Good Shepherd Band, the group that creates the amazing music for my brother and sister in law's church down in Indiana.  It's really good.  The sound is captivating.  The singer's voice is incredible and married to the music.  The message is clear and praises all that God is.  It motivates.  It celebrates.  It calls you to praise.  Play it and you'll see what I mean!

This weekend has been very full for me, too full to fit in one post without this blog turning into a chronological journal of events (which I am determined to keep it from being).  Not all information is necessary.  So today, I will dwell on the beauty of Friday night: a crazy outlandish night for me.

The many fun, small town Afton activities had ended with Cathy and me putting Eddy to bed and wishing him well.  It was late, nearly 10 o'clock in fact, and he had a long day.  As he drifted to sleep and Cathy settled down to do some reading, my adrenaline increased as I quickly washed my hair, picked out clothes, and tried to reach Alyssa on the phone via Skype.  I hoped she wouldn't get lost trying to find our house.  In a last desperate attempt I drove up on the hill to get cell phone reception.  Yes!  She answered.  Just crossing the bridge.  Perfect.  I gave the remaining directions to our house, and rushed back home to finish packing all the "just in case" items for this unfamiliar event.  Headlights shone in the drive and I ran and jumped in the van.

"Go up here and turn right, it's shorter.  Thanks for doing this, Alyssa, especially for someone you've only met once."  "No problem!  I'm excited to let you experience this for the first time!  It'll be great."

Conversation opened and deepened as the 35 minute drive rolled on.  Why hadn't I gotten to know this girl earlier?  She was sweet, and interesting, and involved in the same endeavors I am or have been.  She was friends with my friends, goes to my church, she's my age, and loves music and language.  And yet I never had the gumption to venture a conversation for the sole reason of not having done so before.  Now was my chance.  I would make a connection, and I did.

The city here we come!  All the fear and vulnerability I had about a strange city late at night had, as I hoped, been abated by joining someone else familiar with the scene.  A parking garage, a downtown walk among clubbers, and then, there it was.... "dakota".  The cursive blue neon stood out against the shaded intersection, and the door was bustling with comers and goers.  If you, dear reader, have never experienced a "cover charge" before, I beg you to do so.  It is terribly exciting, though expensive.

Reunion with musician friends, and new meetings with a circle of friends I'd never put together in my mind.  Beverages and tables, introductions and fun stories fill the room with noise until a jovial voice transcends them all.  My friend John Raymond stands at the microphone holding a trumpet, with dress pants, untucked white dress shirt, and skinny black tie. He stands in front of four other casual young men on a mini grand piano, a bass, full drum set, and saxophone.  Twenty-five minutes to midnight the music begins.

The mood sets in as the pure sounds of emotion fill the air.  Fingers and toes of the listeners tap in response to the smooth tones.  Free jazz melts into classics of John Coltrane, Miles Davis and others, but mostly John's newly written masterpieces reign over the ensemble of perfectly cooperating instruments.  All play together in harmony until, who knows how, you hear the trumpet above the rest.  He displays a wide range of scales and jumps filled with emotion and skill as every tone quality possible to the trumpet is heard.  Fluid and free, yet somehow in sync with the rhythm, the musical story unfolds, getting more and more exciting until the trumpet solo comes to a climax and ends.  A large applause overlaps the others playing on, and John walks to the side.  Next, as before, all play together until Alyssa's boyfriend on the saxophone transcends.  More applause, and so goes the song, each dominating in a magnificent solo, and each introducing his fellow musician, piano, bass, then drums, tell each their own full story in all its spontaneity and craft. A full band finale of the original theme concludes the piece to the exhilaration of the audience.

Every so often John introduces each player in appreciation for their individual skill, and describes the titles and motives of each song, including "Dani's theme" in honor of his beautiful new wife of three weeks sitting front and center.

As I sat swallowing the awkwardness of knowing no one there very well, I looked around the room.  Couples young and old filled the booths around the perimeter, and women in full jazz attire of long wavy locks, full makeup and seductive, formfitting dresses and jewelry spotted the tables.  Men with ruffled hair and casual dress clothes joined them, as well as the many college students in jeans, supporting their graduated friends on stage.  Alcohol was abundant, but only made everyone mellower rather than rowdy.  It was just the way I pictured a jazz club to be, how I'd seen it in the movies.  A very large chalkboard covered half of one wall with huge letters advertising tonight's and upcoming guest performers, and there was a mezzanine with more tables, surrounding the whole room.

Nearly 2am now, as we each hug goodbye to those we know, and are off.  Another 35 minute drive and conversation continues to gain interest.  But we're both exhausted.  "See you tomorrow at the wedding!"  "Yep, get some sleep."

I slink into the silent house still swimming in the sounds in my head.  Too tired to be anxious about anything, I swoon to the imaginary music, fold some laundry, and collapse into bed at 3am. "I hope Eddy sleeps in."

Sometimes emotional stress gets you down.  For some reason the Lord has chosen to surround me with deaths and grieving loved ones the last couple months, with financial complications to sort out, or relationships, or schedules to wade through, or occupational replacements to find, etc.

Two full days of dealing with such things left me in a haze.  No energy to feel, but about to burst with all the anxiety and questions and frustrations and fears inside.  Going on with life and schedule only deterred the problem.

I came to Eau Claire.  After trying phone calls and hugs and nature, I spied my beloved piano...waiting for me.

The radio got switched off as I nervously approached the instrument with forgetful and out-of-shape hands.  Musical score was not enough.  I have nor can play no song as intense and complex as I felt today.  It would have to be something new.  I warmed up with a favorite scale: G flat major.  And beginning with G flat, I played a small slow melody, a tiny emerging thought amid the silence of aloneness, that quietly faded back into the silence.  Another thought emerged, and another, until too many memories and aches were crowding each other out with austere, depressing chords and rhythms of frantic searching.  A breath of calm, stolen away by new thoughts and desires, dashed hopes of the future, and screams of anger.  A spinning blind searching of what to do, with no clear answers.  A good memory or practical thought is spelled out deliberately to combat this despair, but only turn sour and bring back the storm.  Between each thought, each cry, each flood of emotion, silence reigns, tormenting the soul.  Finally, exhausted, regret and anger submit to calm and life.  God  shows up.  In a version of Amazing Grace, he stills the storm and brings to light his promises, his gifts, and what really matters.  A true sigh of relief follows, then stillness, this time not of torment but of peace.

Never again to be played or recorded, my one-time song expressed and unwound my knotted thoughts and emotions.  Still raw and tired, I know now how to resolve.  I heard and perceived the heart of the problem and its answer for today, as I talked it out, in my heart language of wordless music.

Where your ear leads you, speak in that medium.  Perhaps your confusion lies in using a foreign tongue.

I mentioned before that I went to a small women's retreat last weekend. Now that I've recovered somewhat from the busy week, I'd like to reflect on it a little more.

Before last week I had never been to a women's retreat, and wasn't really sure what to expect. It was great. I didn't know many of the women there, but everyone bonded quickly, because the two days were filled with so much heartfelt Bible study, prayer for each other, impromptu singing, working and playing together, sleeping together, opening up, and heart and life changes.  Every person there gave testimony of how deeply she was affected by our time. I'm tempted to lay out the entire retreat happenings here, but the simple truth is this: God was there, he gave the weekend power, and led it. So it wasn't anything in particular we did that made our weekend a success, we just basked in His love for us. God loves us! Demonstrated by his personal sacrifice for us, his plan for us, his word to us, and his comfort and leading within us. This was one common thread in each of our experiences.

Of course the weekend had a wonderful backdrop to make it especially lovely. It was located at a large, beautifully renovated and landscaped Victorian-style house on a large farm, complete with fields, trees, and horses. Linda, the host, is a professional cook, and lavished us with all sorts of gourmet delicacies. We also experienced the nearby small town of Sand Creek, which is very historic and friendly.

It was all around revolutionary. I encourage any of you women who are interested in energy, peace, and deep camaraderie, have a women's retreat! And center it on God. It's amazing how he shows his goodness to us, if we plan some time with him...

Yeah, I had a long week. Studying and working cut off much of my sleep, then the events began. Thursday music practice, Friday getting the house clean and making food for my dad, husband and son, and off to Linda's for the retreat. Eddy attended the dinner, with us, then went back to my house with dad. Full, full full retreat! A long evening gathering, with much prayer, opening up and...tears, of course. And giggling long into the night. An early start Saturday with everyone helping to put a delicious breakfast together. Laughter, stories, and food filled up our free time so we went straight from that into study time. My study was first, which also went long. Then Aunt Jan's and off to lunch at the Sand Creek Cafe (a fine establishment and official hub of Sand Creek, WI, population roughly 100). I took a detour with Linda and Bernadette to the store, so when we got back everyone else was already out riding the horses. At this point my week hit me. I felt weak and headsick, so I skipped horse riding and sacked out with some music in the livingroom. But I was up again for the scavenger hunt, the final study time with Bernadette, and gift exchanges. Stories and talking started up again, but my church service was coming up fast, so I bowed out and headed to church. I met the team just in time to grab a bite to eat with them, get an update on any changes, pray, and go right on stage! As I sang I realized my head sickness had turned into a sore throat. I got home, talked to my dad, then my husband, and it turned into a late night. Sunday was another early morning for practice at church. I dragged myself out of bed later than I should, with no time for breakfast. Thank goodness for church babysitters! We all stocked up on donuts, I had a good warm up, and had a good service. But my throat was worse. During second service I broke down and had a cough drop. It made me feel SO much better...until I got on stage! Oh no! My voice broke, and squeeked, and failed. I made it through, greeted people I knew, got Eddy, and went home. Home, home, home. Eddy fell asleep in the car and I wanted to. We crashed at home and slept all afternoon. Then back up to help Dan wash his truck, I got Eddy ready to go to Bible Study, We dropped Dan's truck off at the mechanic, dropped Dan back home, and left for Bible Study -- LATE. We didn't have a chance to make dinner at home, so fast food on the road. I met the ladies with a toddler and a dinner, which complicated the meeting, but we made it through, with a visit from Dan halfway through, on his way to Minnesota. Home again, home again, jiggety jog. Finished our dinner, but no firewood, so we snuggled in blankets and ate while watching VeggieTales. SLEEP. We both slept like logs. The retreat was over, church was over, Bible study was over. Back to life.

It's hard being left out of something. But being accepted and allowed to participate in a common goal makes brighter eyes, lighter feet, and a happy heart.


I am involved in my husband Danny's business. It is a ton of work, but so rewarding! It's great to be able to know something about lawn care, help people who need it, and reap the benefits of a job well done. And there's nothing like the joy shared between Danny and me when things go well. Even when things aren't going well, it's so much easier to handle together, and easier for me to empathize with him when I'm involved.


I'm involved with music at church.  Every time I'm asked to serve, I feel the tremendous privilege of being accepted by those talented musicians, and being allowed to contribute! I get to know them by name, talk casually about our lives, and gain a wealth of knowledge from them in the area of music.


I'm involved with a women's retreat this weekend. It's a little one, thrown by family, but exciting, nonetheless. I was asked to do a Bible study for it, to present as a workshop. I love studying, but it's hard to get the motivation sometimes, when it's just for yourself. But knowing I could share it with others helped me dive right in, and work on it night and day. 


This has been a very busy week. Gearing up the business, practicing music, preparing for a retreat. My regular schedule has gone completely out the window! But it's a good busy. A happy involvement in people and things that I love.

A delightful morning equals ready to leave the night before, saying goodbye and packing the family into a car at 4:00am, sleeping a long time with a willing husband at the wheel, waking up as we drive into the most beautiful sunrise, pleasant conversation with car noises and a sleeping toddler in the back, and radio. Country radio.

I am not a regular country music listener, but with no other choice, I let the positive upbeat sounds drown out the sometimes otherwise lyrics and add a happy background to an already pleasant scene with my husband. What better way to enjoy music and life if you are forced to take it as it comes =)