I just recently heard the new song from the Good Shepherd Band, the group that creates the amazing music for my brother and sister in law's church down in Indiana.  It's really good.  The sound is captivating.  The singer's voice is incredible and married to the music.  The message is clear and praises all that God is.  It motivates.  It celebrates.  It calls you to praise.  Play it and you'll see what I mean!

Repentance is to realize that you put something before God, that you've betrayed your king, the one person who gives you your purpose and fulfillment.  It is to finally open your eyes and see the filth, to cry out in anguish, and beg him to cast it away from you, far away.  You want to be clean.

It is to know that he's already paid for your sin and cast them away; you've already been made clean, and you are still.  It is to know that he's given you a new heart, the essence of the 'you' he created you to be, of all your true potential, of everything that would be impossible for you without Christ.

It is to stand with newfound determination and direction and hope.  It is to renew your alliance to your king.  It is to love and follow him once again, yes, and all the more.

I put Eddy to bed for the third time for his nap.  It was hot and sunny.  I fought discouragement.  My productivity this morning seemed less than satisfactory.  My energy was waning.  I wanted motivation.  I felt like sleeping.  The trees and grass and crickets beckoned me outside and I followed.  I wandered and stomped and sighed.  I searched for passion in my soul again.  I found apathy, weariness, confusion, defeat, then answers.

Of course I know where to find life!  Of course I know all is not lost!  The giver of life calls to the weary, the money-less, the brokenhearted to come and drink from the spring.  I knew to drink from the spring would bring life, but I still felt parched...and in my thirst could not feel the truth I once knew.  So back from my memory I drew.

My Bible lay back in the house.  I hadn't the mind to go the long distance back.  I forced into memory a chapter from my youth -- a wonderful chapter, with many memories attached to it, and many lessons.  Perhaps if I could get through it I would find the strength I needed.

The first few verses slid off my tongue easily, but I stumbled through the next few.  Running back and forth over the following to sort out which came first, I pondered the meaning in the words.  "The law of the spirit of life hath made me free from the law of sin and death..." hmmm... free.  Free to live true life...this life I've experienced a taste of and long for more.  "That the righteousness of the law would be fulfilled in us..." God really does think me special to place such an important purpose on my life.  "but ye are not in the flesh but in the spirit..." "he that raised up Jesus from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his spirit that dwelleth in you..." The spirit is in me.  He is in me.  He guides me.  "we are the children of God, whereby we cry, 'Abba, Father..." Again, how special, how purposeful, how releaving of fear.  "the whole creation groans and travails in pain together..." "all things work together for good, to them that love God..." "for I reckon that the trials of this present age are not worthy to be compared to the glory which shall be revealed in us" Here there is no denying the trouble, no denying the chaotic mess of pain...but again purpose...plan.  "who shall lay anything to the charge of the elect..." God is my judge.  "we are killed all the day long..." "for I am persuaded that neither death nor life nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Mmmmm...the perfect peace in the knowledge of God's unending love...so much depth and importance to unravel...

I stood in that moment less like a failed mother and woman, and more like a born princess.  Not to say I was any more graceful or pretty or rich, but I had a silent power behind me and I knew it.  I had a royal purpose, a noble purpose...to love as Christ loves...to listen to the Spirit.  I was important to the king, and my attitude impacted those around me.  I knew my place in the world.  I could give and serve without fear.

I walked back.  I was met with our secretary out in the grass, holding Eddy and explaining how he said he wouldn't take his nap.  I sighed and took another path than before.  I faced it, took charge, and showed compassion.

Never underestimate the power of truth learned and lived and remembered.

"Sweet is the sleep of a laborer, whether he eats little or much, but the full stomach of the rich will not let him sleep." -Ecclesiastes 5:12

Nope, sleep has not been an issue this week.  My muscles, however, are another matter.

Praise the Lord! Praise the name of the Lord, give praise, O servants of the Lord,
who stand in the house of the Lord, in the courts of the house of our God!
Praise the Lord, for the Lord is good; sing to his name, for it is pleasant!
For the Lord has chosen Jacob for himself, Israel as his own possession.
For I know that the Lord is great, and that our Lord is above all gods.
Whatever the Lord pleases, he does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps.
He it is who makes the clouds rise at the end of the earth, who makes lightnings for the rain and brings forth the wind from his storehouses.
He it was who struck down the firstborn of Egypt, both of man and of beast;
who in your midst, O Egypt, sent signs and wonders against Pharaoh and all his servants;
who struck down many nations and killed mighty kings;
Sihon, king of the Amorites, and Og, king of Bashan, and all the kingdoms of Canaan,
and gave their land as a heritage, a heritage to his people Israel.
Your name, O Lord, endures forever, your renown, O Lord, throughout all ages.
For the Lord will vindicate his people and have compassion on his servants.
The idols of the nations are silver and gold, the work of human hands.
They have mouths, but do not speak; they have eyes, but do not see;
they have ears, but do not hear, nor is there any breath in their mouths.
Those who make them become like them, so do all who trust in them!
O house of Israel, bless the Lord! O house of Aaron, bless the Lord!
O house of Levi, bless the Lord! You who fear the Lord, bless the Lord!
Blessed be the Lord from Zion, he who dwells in Jerusalem! Praise the Lord!

Psalm 135

Behold, how good and pleasant it is

Yeah, I had a long week. Studying and working cut off much of my sleep, then the events began. Thursday music practice, Friday getting the house clean and making food for my dad, husband and son, and off to Linda's for the retreat. Eddy attended the dinner, with us, then went back to my house with dad. Full, full full retreat! A long evening gathering, with much prayer, opening up and...tears, of course. And giggling long into the night. An early start Saturday with everyone helping to put a delicious breakfast together. Laughter, stories, and food filled up our free time so we went straight from that into study time. My study was first, which also went long. Then Aunt Jan's and off to lunch at the Sand Creek Cafe (a fine establishment and official hub of Sand Creek, WI, population roughly 100). I took a detour with Linda and Bernadette to the store, so when we got back everyone else was already out riding the horses. At this point my week hit me. I felt weak and headsick, so I skipped horse riding and sacked out with some music in the livingroom. But I was up again for the scavenger hunt, the final study time with Bernadette, and gift exchanges. Stories and talking started up again, but my church service was coming up fast, so I bowed out and headed to church. I met the team just in time to grab a bite to eat with them, get an update on any changes, pray, and go right on stage! As I sang I realized my head sickness had turned into a sore throat. I got home, talked to my dad, then my husband, and it turned into a late night. Sunday was another early morning for practice at church. I dragged myself out of bed later than I should, with no time for breakfast. Thank goodness for church babysitters! We all stocked up on donuts, I had a good warm up, and had a good service. But my throat was worse. During second service I broke down and had a cough drop. It made me feel SO much better...until I got on stage! Oh no! My voice broke, and squeeked, and failed. I made it through, greeted people I knew, got Eddy, and went home. Home, home, home. Eddy fell asleep in the car and I wanted to. We crashed at home and slept all afternoon. Then back up to help Dan wash his truck, I got Eddy ready to go to Bible Study, We dropped Dan's truck off at the mechanic, dropped Dan back home, and left for Bible Study -- LATE. We didn't have a chance to make dinner at home, so fast food on the road. I met the ladies with a toddler and a dinner, which complicated the meeting, but we made it through, with a visit from Dan halfway through, on his way to Minnesota. Home again, home again, jiggety jog. Finished our dinner, but no firewood, so we snuggled in blankets and ate while watching VeggieTales. SLEEP. We both slept like logs. The retreat was over, church was over, Bible study was over. Back to life.

Early in the morning, naptime, late at night, you'll see me at my computer with a scribbled yellow legal tablet at my right and a Bible at my left, studying. I have a project and it feels good. Work that doesn't involve toys or potty or clothes or food or cleaning materials. An intellectual exercise with a purpose... and good music. Lots of good music.

God sure does work in mysterious ways. We're called to draw close to him, talk to him and study his Word everyday, but praying and reading for the sake of saying we've done it leaves us lower and farther from him than ever before. We know that nothing we can do can change God's perfect plan, but on the other hand, doing what God tells us to do affects how we feel and act toward others. And prayer works.

Some things are just beyond my comprehension...but not beyond my obedience.

Dan & I have been enjoying evening prayer meetings where God teaches us to be sincere, open, honest, united, dependent, trusting, caring and full of faith. God answers, leads, and most significantly, he reveals himself to us.

Happiness is... prayer.

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth...God is love...God demonstrated His love toward us in that...Christ died for us...how shall He not with him also freely give us all things?...all things work together for good to them that love God...if God be for us, who shall be against us?...for I am persuaded that nothing will be able to separate us from the love of God.

Positive: 8 a: having a good effect: FAVORABLE: b: marked by optimism

A conversation with my brother about life recently brought some long-standing questions to the surface of my mind: why do I, without trying, always see the bad about everything around me? How can my life be so dark, when someone else with the same circumstances think of every part of work and life as a grand vacation?

He said he has learned to only notice the bright side of things...a point of view I've always thought of as shallow, silly, unreal. Maybe that's my problem. Upon looking on the memorized phrases of Scripture above, I gotta admit, there is huge amounts of positivity in the Bible. Of course, the point I always fall on is that you can't fool yourself either. God teaches us to look at the good AND the bad realistically. But, what would happen if I gave this positivity thing a try? I think God has given me plenty of blessings enough to fill one blog. Perhaps I'll find out I've been living in paradise all along...I just needed to take off the dark glasses =)